Days pass way too fast

It's hard to invision, that we'll last

Running onwards, aimlessly

Without allowing our truths, to set us free

When will we gain control?

Stop plodding on too slow?

Not one of us really knows,

We just continue with the flow

I dream of the day, they set us free

Finally able to live the way, we want to be

Just me and you for eternity

A life with you, sounds heavenly to me

When will we gain control?

Stop plodding on so slow?

Not one of us really knows,

We just continue with the flow

Each time we change the plan

We drift further from our promised land

How can we expect things to change,

When we contiinue on the same way?

When will we gain control?

I'm tired of thiis uphill battle, so slow

I just want to, at your side, grow

Instead I'm here, eating dirt, like a mole.

Please let our truth set us free

I can't keep living life, this aimlessly

It's slowly but surely, killing me

Like pollution does, to our bees

Breathing doesnt come, that easy anymore

It feels like theres a constant frog in my throat

We're stuck in our seperate castles, surrounded by a moat

Unable to free ourselves, being one anothers life-boats

When will we gain control?

Stop plodding on so slow?

Not one of us really knows,

We just continue with the flow... no more

This life is ours for the taking

Becoming what we make it

So why don't we be one again,

Finally end our one and only pain?

And be together forever, never wanting more change

Because our worlds entwined, is what will save...

We're ruunning through our lives

Our hearts struggling with our compromise

So let's let go of this tonight

This facade we've held, way too high

Let me return home, to you, this night

She’s a bright star, within the unlit night 

Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life 

Her strength is beyond admirable to all 

And even if she should ever fall 

She would somehow, pull though 

The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do 

Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face 

She's had to fight great wars, every single day 

Even when she’s felt like, she’s held captive, and afraid 

The demons never defeated her then, nor this day. 

She brings life to those she graces in her path 

Somehow manages to bring them to smile, or even laugh 

Despite her own struggles, drowning her in a bath 

She still cares for others, and helps them, even if it's over something daft. 

No women has ever showed so much kindness 

To those who’s minds hold them, under so much duress 

She’ll lift the weight off your shoulders, even when she’s stressed. 

Being a mother is not easy, especially, when there is a mess 

But somehow, she gets through it all, despite our life’s never-ending test 

If you were to have to pick favourites, you would say that she is the best 

For she is a wonder woman, and I truly must confess 

She is the reason I still stand, taking me on, as yet another quest 

She brings life to those she graces in her path 

Somehow manages to bring them to smile, or even laugh 

Despite her own struggles, drowning her in a bath 

She still cares for others, and helps them, even if it's over something daft. 

She’s a bright star, within the unlit night 

Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life 

Her strength is beyond admirable to all 

And even if she should ever fall 

She would somehow, pull though 

The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do 

Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face 

She's had to fight great wars, every single day 

Even when she’s felt like, she’s held captive, and afraid 

The demons never defeated her then, nor this day. 

Trapped here, in this agony
every moment, is killing me
my spine contorts inside
hurling daggers into my side.
No escape from this cruel hell
my mind locked, within this shell
No longer can I hide
All of my body screams inside.

Excruciating pain flows through me
making it hard, for me to breathe.
The spasms contort my upper limbs
as my brains venemous tune, continues to sing
compelling my body to act this way
manipulating my neck, with its foul play.
The warning ache fills me with fear
As it takes away, all that i, hold dear
All of my ability, is stripped from me fast
As my cervical dystonia, tightens its grasp
My neck, looking broken beyond repair
Inside, my body feels bruised, from this big flair
Still I continue to plod onwards, with nothing but hope
for something to come and cut away, my dystonias ropes.

Still, I am lay here, writhing
Trapped here, in this agony
every moment, is killing me
my spine contorts inside
hurling daggers into my side.
No escape from this cruel hell
my mind locked, within this shell
No longer can I hide
All of my body screams inside.

I feel it itching under my skin
clawing away deep inside
I thought i could be myself around you
now i am just sorry that I ever tried

I find myself bending over backwards for you
trying to leap through these flaming hoops
Still, it isn't a choice that you choose
For that wouldn't ever, benefit you

We're winding down this endless road
neither of us can find any hope.
Still we hold onto these ropes
in hopes it'll save us, and keep us afloat

I really have tried to confess to you
that this horrid mess, plagues me, with  blues.
Still you insist, that you are just "fine"
even if we seem, to be getting much worse, with time.

Why have things changed, for us, so drastically?
do you now regret giving me, the room to breathe?
would you prefer it, if I was to set you free?
Would talking it through change much for us?
Or perhaps that is just another unatainable fantasy?

Why have you shut me out of your head so much?
did i do something wrong, or was I just not enough?
Perhaps it was foolish, to think that I could be loved
though maybe it was real, but has begun to wear off

I wish that i could ease these concerns within my mind
but when you have nothing to go off, it can be rather unkind
thinking of it's own answers to the issues it finds
to try to free itself from the prison, to which it is confined

Are we beginning to grow further apart each day?
Or is it my mental health decieving me again?
Please give me some answer, or even a hint
because otherwise my brain will just assume what it thinks.
Perhaps I am always a ship destined to sink
with so much luggage, that never will shrink
it was likely naive to expect us to win

Still a faint bit of hope, lays deep inside
in hopes this is just my mind, and its lies
though, if after I have done nothing, but tried,
I end up enduring heartbreak, from continuing this ride
I will regret all the times that I laid awake and cried
and every moment to which my head, was fried

I loved you so dearly, that i must confess
though i have no answers, on how we escape this mess
I hate that our lives, are filled with so much stress
but wouldn't being there for one another, be what is best?
or am i just a fool for becoming so very distressed?

Either way it is time for me to end the vicious cycle we made
To ensure that my body, mind and soul, can finally feel safe.

hurting, melting, head caving
my head so broke inside
trying to hold it together
but i feel so far from fine

suffocating, shaking, heart racing
my body responds in fear
trying to reason with myself
though it doesn't help it clear

aching, receding, soul's numbing
my mind is shutting off
trying to hold onto reality
but i feel so very lost

falling, stalling, chest pounding
my soul's torn deep within
trying to keep myself afloat
but sometimes i fear I'll sink

surviving, fighting, everythings changing
my life's turned upside down
trying to adjust as best as i can
but to rise up, i must first drown

evading, hiding, barely escaping
my instincts urge me to flee
trying to fight this faulty alarm 
but my strength is hard to see

Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to sleep,

Tossing and turning,

Hoping and yearning.

Sanity strays away,

Leaving me to fall further every day.

Nothing to hold on to,

Another’s touch too late, too few.

Watching the world around you decay

Feeling thankful you’ve lasted yet another day.

This prison holds me tight,

Forever losing this never ending fight,

Though day in, day out I try with all my might.

A danger to myself, to others,

Every thought a constant stutter.

My soul is stuck, buried too deep,

The hills surrounding me- too steep,

Always destined for defeat.

A never ending nightmare,

Forever feeling scared.

Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Anxiety- my demon, my master,

Attempts against it result in disaster.

What is anxiety? But the worlds

clingiest, most hateful bastard.

Fighting a hundred battles, every damn single day
unable to help myself, with no one around who can aid.
Battling these invisible demons, but falling down each time
wondering how others can cope like this, or appear completely fine.
Twenty-Four years pass on and on, before they catch the cause
but it turns out that I'm not at fault, for all of my many flaws.
Today my struggles are validated, as i become diagnosed at last
When the words were uttered to me, my heart sped up quite fast.
This day i learned i am autistic, but its not really all that bad
There's many awesome things that stem from it, like all of the creativity that ive had.
From this day i vow to be kinder to my mind, rather than beating myself up some more
Perhaps now i can be content again, a feeling i have never truly felt before.

Trying new foods can be a tricky thing for autistics who are hypersensitive to tastes, textures and smells in regards to foods.

If you’re like me, and often find yourself stuck eating the same safe-foods quite often, then trying foods outside of that can be overwhelming. Though, that doesn’t always mean that we dont want to try new foods, even if it is quite scary to do so.

I know that for myself, I get anxious for multiple reasons when trying new foods, such as:

• Food wastage
• Fear of sensory overload
• Not wanting to “go hungry” if I dont like it
• New tastes being scary

Eating out
One thing that can be especially scary is eating out, due to my food sensory struggles. I never know if a meal will be prepared suited to my tastes, or whether it will have too much seasoning for my liking, even if its typically a “safe food” of mine.

Buffets and all you can eat places
One way I’ve found that makes it easier for me to not only try new foods safely, but also enables me to eat-out is going to places that serve things in a buffet style.

The “all you can eat” self-serve or multiple small-dish venue’s have recently become a more comfortable option for eating out. I get to order multiple tiny dishes, or plate up my own small bite-sized portions of foods, which means I don’t have to waste much if I do not like them.

My recent experience
Recently I tried an all you can eat sushi place with my significant other. This was daunting at first, but very quickly became an enjoyable experience.

We were able to order 5 dishes each, per round. I ordered things that I knew he liked, but I was unsure if I liked, as well as sone safe foods alongside them. This meant I could guilt-free try things that I never would have tried otherwise.

That outing I found multiple things that I would never eat again, but I also found multiple new foods that I would love to eat again.

There are a few which I am still uncertain of that I would need to try a few more times before knowing if I like them. Sometimes it can take quite some time for me to get used to new foods, and to decide if I enjoy the new flavours.

I found that it was enjoyable because:

• I didn’t feel pressured to eat a full meal of something that I do not enjoy
• Theres less pressure to be sure to that I like whats on my plate
• The portions were small so if I didnt enjoy them, it wasn’t a big deal
• I could alternate each small dish something I enjoy as well as something I was unsure of
• Less pressure to “like” what is plated up
• The small portion sizes meant that I didn’t get overfaced too easily
• I could decide when I was “done” trying new foods at any point
• If I got overwhelmed, I could stop when I felt like I needed to do so

Summary
Granted, this wont be ideal for everyone. But, given how scary eating out can be, as well as trying new foods, for me personally this is as close to ideal as is possble for me.

I know for some, sticking to known safe foods is their only option. But for those curious about expanding their safe foods and tastes, this could possibly be a nice work around.

Travelling abroad can be overwhelming for anyone, though, for Autistics, it can be even more daunting than it would be for most.

Though travelling comes with its unique difficulties for us Autistics, it is still very much doable.

Having now travelled for the first time as an autistic adult, I have some advice for my fellow neurodivergents.

One thing that can be especially distressing is the transport. One big scary one for me is Planes.

Because of things like:

• The airport waiting process
• The noisy engines during the flight
• Worrying that I wouldn’t get the support I need

These fears all made it more nerve wracking for my first time flying alone.

But do not fret! I have some tips for you!

Sunflower Lanyard

Most airlines and airports have a discreet sunflower lanyard that is widely recognised by staff as a symbol for invisible disabilities. This lanyard can usually be requested at the disability desk, or the reception desk (with no cost or need to pre-register for it).

The lanyard can enable you to go through seperate queues and can enable you to go into the priority queue when you reach the gate.

It also can alert staff that you might need extra assistance and patience when undergoing the processes involved when flying.

You do not have to give the lanyard back, and can use it for your return flight.

Noise

The noise of the aircraft can be a bit much, and can be extremely overstimulating for someone who is hypersensitive to sound. Though, thankfully for us, most airlines allow you to use bluetooth headphones during flights.

If you are unsure if you can use your noise cancelling bluetooth headphones, check the airlines statements online or contact the airline youre flying with if you cannot find the information readily available.

I used my noise cancelling headphones during my flight. It didn’t get rid of the noise fully, but it made it far more tolerable and pleasant, even with my seats being right above the engines.

If you are especially hypersensitive and concerned, try to get seats that are not directly next to the engines.

The airport process

If you havent been through the airport process as an adult, or at all, it can be a big factor contributing to anxiety before flying. I was lucky enough to have my dad help talk me through what would happen and where I had to go. Well, until the point where he couldn’t continue with me.

If you don’t have someone who can do this, do not fret, the staff are there to help. Once I passed onto the air side of the airport, I started to get rather nervous and flustered. But thankfully the staff were happy to answer any questions I had and guide me to where I needed to go

The waiting times

The waiting times can sometimes be daunting for autistics, especially with the chance of delays to the flight times.

I advise making a music playlist of your favourite songs, and ensuring you have something to do during these waiting times to make it go by easier and to keep yourself grounded.

I personally opted to take my Nintendo DS, a colouring book and some colouring pencils.

If you also opt to do some colouring, I would advise against gel pens as they arent usually allowed in your hand luggage. Colouring pencils or felt tips can be a good alternative.

I hope this might help other autistics with their anxieties surrounding flying. If anyone has any questions or things to add feel free to add a comment!